Deteriorate, me, you, and the world

Our careless feet leaving trails.
Never minding the fragile dirt, We all end in.

Those are the lines from one of my fav songs.. "Deteriorate" by Demon Hunter
I love that song, its filled with emotion and meaning. Well, to me at least....
When I've got the blues, this is prob the first song I'll wanna hear.

[Departed Soul and Mind]
Anyways enough about the song. Its time to jot down my depression. People usually feel better after sharing their problems. Well this ain't really sharing, but its the best choice for me. I mean comeon, I have a right to destress too.. Right? I mean, how strong MUST a MAN be? How invulnerable must a MAN be? Im just a kid. Despite the praise I get for my independence and maturity, I feel like Im most vulnerable and the youngest around. Despite all my efforts to stay strong, I feel weak.

There lies the question, When will I be a Man? Some wish to never grow up. In my case, I MUST grow up. Or I wont be able to save this collasping family. PFF What family... The fracture is all too clear now...



[And another for the kind]

"The magic of making up" by T.W Jackson..
Its the first online book I've ever purchased. I still remember that bitter feeling of despair. Looking for solutions and finally I stumbled upon this book. I thought this was it, this is gonna solve all my problems. Ill be me again and everything would fall back into place. Ill be at your side once again.

The first Chapter "Accepting the break up"
Fuck.. I still remember how I felt right after reading that chapter.. I was utterly confused.. I mean, Im tryin to save something that meant the world to me. And here this book told me to accept it? GTFO..

But it wasnt untill I read the whole book did I really reflect on anything. And with a heavy heart, I discovered theres no way back. Theres no way back, but a way to move forward to a new chapter.

Thats exactly what I did. I discarded my old self. I did the best to change into something else. But theres a loop hole. YOU didnt change. You didnt forget me, you left me in your heart.

Once again Im confused. Theres just too much overwhelming me. A hundred thoughts happy and sad, angry and maddening, all twisting into a disfigured image of you.


I just wish I knew how to move on from here. I mean I never left your heart? Are you freakin serious? So what now? Am I supposed to take a step closer to you again? Am I supposed to try again? O.. Thats right it might not even be me.. It could be that other guy you left me for. I mean he was JUST ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS aye? I still remember how you compared me to him. And how shattered I was.


It haunts me. How easily I was replaced. Can you imagine? If I were with you again?
Get this, a new guy appears. Hes 10x Richer, more handsome, more humerous, better in bed and all that other stuff you like. And the catchline? Hes DEEPLY into you and I mean both literally and otherwise.

Ill make my bet that Ill get discarded w/o a second thought.

And comes the thought.. Are all girls like this? Logically, I would guess any woman would dump their current man for a better one be it for riches, beauty, or even soul.